The Frank Report LXVII

Apologies in advance for the markedly slimmed-down version of today’s Frank Report. As the better half of clan Haviland malingers in hospital with pneumonia, that leaves me quite literally holding the baby - and there are only so many words you can type while simultaneously cooking, wiping arses, and role playing Peppa Pig. Excuses duly made, let’s get to it.

The big noise this week was made at Saturday’s pro-Palestine rally across Westminster Bridge; an event almost as well-attended as tomorrow's pro-Palestinian queue for jihad seekers’ allowance at the dole office. In fact, with the clocks going back today, it’s hard to say how many protestors are genuinely keen to gas the Jews, and how many are simply impatient for their giros? We’ve all been there.

Still, the scenes at Westminster have reinforced David Starkey’s assertion that “virtually everything that’s gone wrong with this country, fundamentally rests with Blair and New Labour”. He’s got a point. Two decades ago, Tony Blair supporters were content to chant ‘education, education, education!’; now, they’ve graduated to ‘intifada, intifada, intifada!’ Uneducated Jews may of course mistake this as a call for genocide, but they shouldn’t worry - some astute members of the Metropolitan Police will be along any second to disabuse them of their pre-jewdice, and explain how the word ‘intifada’ has many nuances to it. Still, any sensible Brits witnessing the throng on Westminster Bridge can’t help the feeling that the Luftwaffe came 80 years too early.

Sadly, having left the EU it’s unlikely the Germans will oblige again, which means it’s down to the UK authorities to sort this one out. Beyond the odd token arrest however, we have already had it confirmed that the Old Bill want as little to do with the enemy within as possible. Downing Street has already surrendered to Islam in all but name, and top cop Sir Mark Rowley, has made it clear which side his biryani is buttered. Rowley, a man who strikes more fear into the hearts of tailors than terrorists, has one more ace up his sleeve however -‘Lesbian Nana’, the West Yorkshire police cunt-stable who enjoys arresting autistic teens and pepper spraying any members of the public who dare to stand in her vicinity. Lesbian Nana could probably have Hamas cleared out by Tuesday - the only question is, will Rowley be bold enough to deploy her?

Meanwhile in the corridors of power, the hunt is clearly still on for the least vomit-inducing future Prime Minister. Facing a possible leadership crisis, Sunak (or whoever’s running his campaign) actually chose to tweet the following:

When I became Prime Minister just over a year ago I was acutely aware of the challenges we faced. The last year has shown we can meet these challenges, tackle them and take the long-term decisions to build a better future for our great country. This work continued this week.

Yes, he actually said it. Presumably he’s referencing the record immigration and illegal immigration, the highest tax rate since WWII, record inflation, the record NHS waiting list, and an 80-seat majority transformed into the lowest poll rating for 2 decades. Just think what he’ll get done when he gets his finger out!

The flip-side of this dogshit-encrusted Westminster heel masquerading as an electoral choice, is Keir Starmer, who spent the week trying to convince everyone he’s got the Muslim vote under control. With over 300 Muslim councillors demanding the Labour Party call publicly for a ceasefire in Gaza, Keir was keen steady the ship, and hastily searched round for a mosque he wouldn’t get bounced out of. The closest was evidently Cardiff, and although Starmer tried to pass the visit off on social media as a success, he was wrong-footed by the Muslim Council of Wales, who confirmed they had no idea who he was or why he was visiting, and apologised for the ‘disrepute’ and ‘dismay’ he would have caused the Muslim community. In other words, not only is Keir dismissed by the extremists within his midst as a puppet, he’s also very far from over the line. If only somewhere there was a politician of substance, who actually stood for something. In fact, I’d be prepared to wager that Margaret Thatcher’s ghost (or even her handbag for that matter) would immediately secure 20% of the vote, if she decided to enter the race.

In other news, along with Scotland, Tower Hamlets has pledged its desire to take in any Gazan refugees who can make the journey. Well-known stickler for probity, Lutfur Rahman has stated publicly that he doesn’t care how many stabbings and rapes the new arrivals carry out, as long as they remember not to injure anyone’s voting hand. Isabel Vaughan-Spruce, that dangerous Catholic woman armed with a double-barrelled surname and a silent prayer, has been stopped by the police for a third time and threatened with a fine. Off the record, a member of the SWAT team sent to intercept her confirmed to The Frank Report that they didn’t know what her problem was: ‘All she’s got to do is start screaming ‘jihad’, and we’ll leave her alone’.

Cambridge University is making a blacklist of ‘harmful books’, which students might find offensive. The University’s diversity chief meanwhile said she wasn’t bothered so much by the books, but by the University’s racist use of the word ‘blacklist’. Worse still,  half of Britons apparently can’t name a single Black British historical figure, according to a survey this week. I have to confess, I’d love to know who the woke 50% were citing?

And finally, in an attempt to sway the voters in these troubled financial times, the Labour Party has promised it will save parents hundreds of pounds in school uniform costs. This is almost certainly the case - any schoolchildren growing up in a Labour constituency are likely to be spending so much time being gang-raped, they’ll hardly need to wear any.

That was Frank’s week. Take care of yourselves until next time.

Frank Haviland is the Editor of The New Conservative, and the author of Banalysis: The Lie Destroying the West.

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee - it would really help to keep me going. Thank you!