The Frank Report XLVII

Welcome to this week’s Frank Report where, true to form, you find Britain going the extra mile to put itself out of business. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) census figures released earlier this week reveal the inevitable consequence of open borders and mass immigration: Britain’s two largest cities (London and Birmingham) are now minority white British. Those identifying as such in Birmingham fell from 52 percent in 2011 to 43 percent in 2021, while in London the corresponding numbers are 45 percent down to 37 percent. You might think that would be newsworthy, but then this is Britain where every demographic is treated as though threatened by extinction; except the native one, which is actually heading that way.  

As he so often does, Mr Brexit, Nigel Farage, has his finger on the nation’s ever-dwindling pulse, and reported the data; revealing that the ONS intend to hide such figures in future. Former Chancellor and Home Secretary, Sajid Javid, who you’d think would display the vaguest interest in sweeping demographic change over the dominions he governs, dismissed Farage’s concerns with the pithy putdown: ‘So what?’ Like most pseudo-Tories, Javid is more than happy to exploit demographic concerns come election time, but he’s equally at home preaching to the multicultural choir when it suits him. Turns out the Tories needn’t have bothered digging their own grave the past 12 years - Javid has just sunk the final nail in their coffin.

Unmoved by the importance of national identity, the Home Office is yet to lift a finger on the rising tide of illegal immigration, queuing up to penetrate the south coast of England like a Muslim rape gang outside a Rotherham primary school. This year to date, 44,000 illegals are ‘known’ to have crossed the English Channel - that’s getting on for double last year’s total, which in turn was triple 2020’s figures. One of the consequences of such insufferable government inertia, is that Britain has run out of prison places, and is now employing police cells to plug the gap. Playing host to almost the entirety of the Albanian criminal population may have considerable economic benefits via the drug trade and prostitution, but it does tend to get in the way when you want to throw the book at those reprobates ‘misgendering’ people on Twitter.

Misidentifying illegals as ‘illegals’ is current Home Secretary, Suella Braverman, who has been told that millions of pounds may have to be paid out through a “Windrush-style” compensation scheme to migrants who claim they were ‘illegally detained’ at Manston migrant centre. So just to get this straight: you paid your taxes only for your government to ship these illegals in, put them up in stately homes, feed and clothe them, guarantee them more GP appointments in a week than you’ve seen since lockdown, and now they’ve struck gold because, like Shamima Begum, it transpires they didn’t fully understand what they were getting themselves into.

Everything’s a joke in Britain now of course, except actual jokes - which are about the only thing left that interests the Old Bill. This week’s addition to the statute book of non-crimes is quoting the Bible in public, which The Crown Prosecution Service has deemed ‘no longer appropriate’. Ah yes, the CPS - you remember them, they’re the chaps who ‘failed grooming victims’ according to then chief Keir Starmer - but don’t worry, they’re going to war on that most heinous of hate crimes, psalm singing. Fear not if you’re partial to a bit of Holy hate, your best bet is still the Koran - the recital of which is not only acceptable in public, but actively encouraged, as well as the weekly broadcast of the adhan (the Muslim call to prayer). There was a time when this would have sparked outrage, but with less than half of Britain now identifying as Christian, Joe Public is simply taking this one on the prayer callus. And why not, when those in authority continue to undermine Christianity, like the Dean of Cambridge for instance, who claims Jesus ‘could have been trans’. I suppose he’s got a point, as having a massive cock and prancing around in a dress seems to mean much the same thing these days. For those concerned about equality, don’t fret - they’ll be doing ‘Mohammad was a shirtlifter’ next week.

Speaking of undesirables in a dress, the media has outdone itself this week trying to convince us that black is white, and that pricks are no longer out of place in the lingerie section. The Express set the bar pretty high with ‘Eddie Izzard, 60, looks fabulous as she flashes legs in glamorous floral dress’ - and if that’s not doing it for you, you must be a transphobe. CNN meanwhile tried to cajole us into believing that daylight saving ‘disproportionately impacts people of colour’. But the BBC knocked them all into a cocked hat (should that be ‘trans hat’?)  with the zinger: 'Trans woman jailed for sex with 14 year old girl’ - translation, man pretending to be a woman rapes child.

It must get hard for people keeping up with all the bullshit, but thankfully there’s always old faithful to fall back on: Covid. According to the ONS, those testing positive in the UK rose to just above 1 million - conveniently, just in time for Christmas. Yes, it’s still here, it’s still the excuse the government uses to ruin your life, and it’s still going to kill you. Not in and of itself of course (it’s only a nasty flu after all), but by the relentless bad decisions that governments are prepared to make in its name. The cost of lockdowns with their trillions pissed down the Swanny, the damage to children’s development and mental health, and the complete shutdown of the NHS (envy of the world, don’t forget) may last more than a generation.

But that’s still not good enough for the doom-mongers, which is why health officials are instructing hotels to isolate migrants to prevent an outbreak; why the monkeypox is being rebranded as ‘mpox’ by the World Health Organisation, to ‘reduce stigma’, and why Chris Whitty is warning Britain faces a ‘prolonged period of excess deaths’ - yeah, no shit Sherlock!

The NHS, as it does every winter, is bracing itself for the ‘toughest cold season yet’, as a recruitment crisis and Covid backlogs mean it is under more pressure than ever. Rather than protection, the NHS needs a bit of tough love. Researchers advise that Covid can live on certain groceries ‘for several days’, but with most Brits now subsisting on pet food, that shouldn’t be a problem. And the coup de grâce, medical papers are now asserting that it is sceptics rather than vaccines which are killing everybody. So if granny snuffed it at 97, because her GP was too busy making TikTok porn to diagnose her cancer, you have my apologies.

In other news, it’s been a slow week for racism unfortunately. Thankfully, the eminently British Marlene Headley was on hand to milk every second of her 15 minutes of fame, when she managed to end Lady Susan Hussey’s 60-year service to Queen and country, for the crime of asking her ‘Where are you from?’ Marlene may not appear quintessentially British to the naked eye, until you discover she goes by the moniker ‘Ngozi Fulani’, habitually dresses in full African regalia, and runs a BLM-funded charity exclusively to support women of African Caribbean heritage - and you can’t get more British than that, can you? Of course, once informed of the facts, it’s easy to see why the poor lady felt ‘abused and trapped’ by the vicious 83-year-old. Hussey has apologised profusely, but Fulani quite rightly insists ‘it’s not enough’ - she’s aiming for ‘institutional racism’, and public execution if at all feasible.

If it’s fees you want, you want Sadiq Khan. While other politicians shirk the big issues, Khant is waging war on ‘toxic air’ as he bravely took the decision to expand the ULEZ (Ultra Low Emission Zone), which now runs just shy of Cornwall to Edinburgh. As Sadie rightly says, ‘Right now, Outer London is smothered in toxic air.

This polluted air penetrates our lungs and damages our health. By expanding the ULEZ, 5 million more people in Greater London will be able to breathe cleaner air.’

At £12.50 a day, that’s a tidy little slush fund for the Mayor, and indicates to me that perhaps I’ve been misjudging him. If you slip him a few quid, he’s somehow able to neutralise pollution. If that’s the case, then you might want to slip him a tenner when you spot him about town (n.b. he’s the dwarf encased in bodyguards). Guarantee him his per diems, and he should be able to ensure your kids don’t get stabbed.

Bad news for climate change this week, as new research reveals the Earth can regulate its own temperate over millennia; for Christ sake, don’t tell Greta whatever you do! Love Actually director Richard Curtis admits the film’s lack of diversity makes him feel ‘a bit stupid’, but not nearly as stupid as I feel writing that sentence. No doubt he’ll soon be donating at least 21 of his £22 million quid to a charity of Ngozi’s choice, in order to assuage that crippling guilt.

Twit of week goes to heavyweight Labour grandee, Emily Thornberry, who managed to knock out this gem: ‘I am proudly wearing Rainbow Laces in parliament today in support of LGBTQ+ people in Qatar’. The tweet was accompanied by Lady Nugee delectable pins ensconced in what appear to be clown shoes with rainbow laces - I cannot help but pray she puts them on expenses.

Hero of the week meanwhile, goes to the wonderful Amy Gallagher, who I’d personally award the Victoria Cross given half the chance. Amy is a nurse and psychotherapist, accused by the NHS of‘racist’ and ‘prejudiced views’, merely for challenging the dogma that ‘all white people are racist’, and that ‘Christianity is responsible for racism in Europe’. Instead of quitting, or worse still, allowing herself to be reprogrammed, Amy did what so few are prepared to do and took a stand. She is currently in the process of suing the NHS for religious and racial discrimination. Bravo!

And finally, if you were thinking of going on-strike don’t bother; there’s hardly anyone left in Britain who actually works for a living, as ambulance workers, teachers, lecturers, nurses, train drivers, postmen (do they ever work?), 999 emergency callers, and firemen are already forming picket lines. That leaves about 11 taxpayers holding up the Atlas Stone of the British welfare state - how does it feel knowing you’re one of them?

That was Frank’s week.

Take care of yourselves, and if Jeremy Hunt’s got his beady eye on the remaining 55% of your wallet, isn’t it time you started keeping your money offshore like they all do?

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Thank you.

Frank Haviland