The Tories: Cutting Throats to Cut Costs

For millennia, the English Channel has stood firm as Britain’s natural defence against its enemies. It thwarted both Hitler and Napoleon, and was a major factor in the success of the British Empire. No amount of water, however, can defend against the enemy within. Fast forward to 2023, and after 13 years of a nominally conservative government the notion that those 21 nautical miles are suddenly unable to withstand the technological advance of a rubber dinghy should be the subject of a Whitehall farce, rather than political reality. And yet, here we are.

Despite countless promises, the flow of illegal immigration into Britain has not been staunched. In fact, the exact opposite is the case. Rishi Sunak can witter on all he likes about how the small boats plan is ‘working,’ but that does not tally with the record numbers who crossed the Channel only last weekend. The emergency is so dire that the Home Office has just admitted to spending £500,000 a day on empty hotel beds for migrants—a preemptive measure against the expected tsunami the warm weather will bring.

Hearts and homes

This is a disaster entirely of our own creation; or rather, that of our government. The confident deployment of the navy (what else is it for?) would have scotched this problem years ago, had those in command the slightest sense of duty or courage. Australia stopped the boats effectively. Japan doesn’t want any. And even Poland, under immense pressure from the EU and without the benefit of a sea defence, manages to keep them out.

And what of Britannia? Far from ruling the waves, we now bribe the French with evermore obscene amounts (half a billion sterling at the last reckoning) not to offload their rejects across the water. And the French, safe in the knowledge that the only way the blank cheques will dry up is if they actually do their job, take us for the fools we are. Such an approach to the crisis of illegal immigration is either criminal incompetence from the Tories, or treason against the British people; and as time goes by, the latter conclusion is becoming harder to contest.

Besides which, the endless flow of 30-year-old bearded minors washing up daily along the south coast are increasingly vocal that the four and five-star accommodation in which they are placed is not up to standard. Last week’s malcontents ‘threatened’ to sleep outside their London hotel, demanding private rooms, larger bathrooms, and a more extensive wine list. This month’s complaint comes from an independent inspector, who confirms the latest detention centre for asylum seekers is ‘inhumane,’ because the Wi-Fi is too slow, there are no free iPads, and nary a hair salon in sight.

Should you find yourself concerned about these unaccompanied doctors and engineers, the government has a simple solution: open your hearts and your homes to the poor dears, and help offset the £2.2 billion the treasury is shelling out on your behalf. You might want to read that again. Yes, the emergency entirely created by Sunak’s charlatans can be solved by the taxpayer. One might even argue it is your duty to do so.

The suggestion comes from the Policy Exchange think tank, and is backed by Tory grandee Brandon Lewis. The report argues thus:

The ongoing small-boats emergency on the English south coast involves two injustices–a dysfunctional asylum system which is overburdened as a result of illegal unauthorised migration and increasingly leaves some of the world’s most persecuted peoples by the wayside.

It offers a “stark warning over the mounting costs of the small-boats emergency” (£2.2 billion, three and a half times the paltry £630 million allocated for homelessness—which tells an outrageous story in its own right). Best of all however, is the hilarious six-point plan to tackle the asylum crisis, which calls for the “galvanisation of voluntary spirit to expand Ukraine-style sponsorship schemes to other nationalities including asylum seekers of Iranian, Afghan, Syrian, and Iraqi origin.”

Yes, you heartless plebs! How dare you distinguish between Olena and Anastasia fleeing the Ukraine war, and Abdul and Mohammed who are fleeing their wives and children? Shame on you! They’re no doubt more than willing to slip into a frock and identify as transgender for you, but you’re also forgetting the benefits they bring (as well as claim).

Skilled immigration

Illegal immigrants have trades and skills neglected by our short-sighted education system, and some are well-versed in the noble arts of stabbing, throat-slashing, and good old-fashioned gang rape. Take Badreddin Abadlla, an asylum seeker from Sudan who stabbed six people at the Park Inn Hotel in 2020; Lawangeen Abdulrahimzai, an illegal Afghan who stabbed Tom Roberts to death in 2022 after being taken into foster care; Shahin Darvish-Narenjbon, a failed asylum seeker who brutally murdered the 87-year-old woman who gave him shelter; not forgetting Emal Kochai, the 28-year-old fostered Afghan deported for raping a 12-year-old girl, who is currently attempting to smuggle himself back into Britain for another roll of the dice.

We did contact Mr. Lewis to enquire whether the public would get a say on which brand of diversity they would be taking into their homes. We also asked how many illegals he would be personally taking in, but he hasn’t got back to us yet; presumably, he’s still getting the spare bedroom ready.

Brandon Lewis is not alone. Former Tory leader William Hague has also been banging the drum for immigration, writing earlier this week in The Times that “Even right-wingers know we need migrants.” No Mr Hague, we don’t know that. Perhaps it would be nice for once, if alleged conservatives considered the possibility that for the working-class communities forced to deal with it, the intermittent stabbing, throat-slashing, and gang-raping of our children is more than an inconvenient side-effect of the middle-class wonder drug ‘diversity.’

The Tories have made it as plain as they can: they will do nothing to stop the boats. And not one of them will entertain hosting an illegal, but they’ll make damned sure you do—or at least have the decency to get your throat cut in the process.

This piece first appeared in The European Conservative, and is reproduced by kind permission.

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